T.O.T.G.A. ( the one that got away )

I saw your picture last week – out of the blue natyempuhan lumabas picture mo sa news feed ko. Matagal na panahon din di kita hindi napapansin- siguro dahil I don’t follow you for quite long years – maybe it was for the best. I don’t know

Ang alam ko lang  I have hurted you, I did not give ourselves a chance and hindi ako sumunod sa bansa pinuntahan mo. I know I was the one who started to drag you to go there pero nauna kapa and I was too afraid to take the risk then. I was already comfortable being with you- pero natakot padin ako sumugal. I thought you have no plans in life- pero I was wrong. I saw you have changed a lot. North America changed you , I guess. Mas confident kana at may mas maganda direction sa buhay, looking at you now with your wife and baby. I knew then you were someone that got away.

We  had a good friendship but that time,  I commit myself with someone whom I  thought would give me the one that I am looking for. Sorry, if I hurted your feelings, sorry if I didn’t give ours a chance. But I am thankful pa din kay God for He gave you a good and wonderful wife. Someone who will take care of you. Someone you could finally say ,” My family”. Alam ko hindi madali maulila sa mga magulang.  Hindi mo lang alam- nakikinig ako lagi sa mga kwento mo, sa mga jokes mo. Di lang halata pero naaliw na ko sayo noon. Noong bago ka palang sa Canada. Madalas ko silipin ang mga post mo, gusto kita kamustahin pero mas minabuti ko wag ka. Masaya na ko makita ka- kung san san parte ng Canada kana napunta. Tinupad mo naman ang pangako mo- you posted all the wonderful places you have been. Masaya nako makita ka nag eenjoy sa journey mo. I stop following you then one day nabalitaan ko  you already have a girlfriend. Alam ko naman one day mahahanap mo din un pag mamahal na you deserve. Dahil hindi ka naman mahirap mahalin.

Salamat sa pag hanga at pag mamahal. Salamat nakita mo ako- yung ako na may sarili mundo sa corner ng office,yung simple tao sa department natin, yung tao laging naka earphone lang eh ok na. Kahit saglit lang un pag kakataon makilala kita – it was one of the good memories I have in my younger years. Our endless chat while working on night shift. I should have listen to you – niloko nga lang ako . Pero ok lang- charge to life experience. Sino ba naman makakalimot sayo eh madalas tayo mag partner sa night shift mag mula sa BGC to Pasig tayo na mag kasama. Ayaw ko isipin sinusundan mo ako- pero natutuwa ako sumusunod ka sa bawat site na mapuntahan ko. Masarap ka naman kausap at kasama but I miscalculate your maturity.  Mas malalim ka pala sa inakala ko. Ang wide ng nalalaman mo- mapa politics, NBA basketball, movies at real life stories – you have something to say. I guess you found my weakness to have someone smart to talk to.

You didn’t know , pero minahal kita sa paraan alam ko. Hindi naman ako basta basta sasama sayo to have dinner if you’re not important to me that time. Kilala mo naman ako sa simula palang eh suplada at mataray na ako. Maybe the timing was really off. But I am happy at one point in my life our path crossed at nakilala at nakasama kita. Sana napatawad mo na ako, I didn’t friend zone you, minahal  kita- di ko lang nasabi sayo, now you know. I will always wish and pray the best for you and your family. Stay happy always

SBN

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For now…

My soul made love to your soul long before
our bodies met. When i first laid my eyes on you
I recognized you….

You held my future in your hand

I choose to love you in Silence
For in my silence I find no rejection

I choose to love you in my loneliness no one
owns you but I

I choose to adore you from a distance
From distance shields us both from pain

I choose to imprison you in my thoughts
cause in my thoughts, freedom is for me to decide

I choose to kiss you on the wind for the
wind is gentler than my lips

I choose to hold you only in my dreams
For in my dreams there is no end

But one day….

I will embrace reality to spend the rest of
my life with you and only you..

AKWPE

 

I miss you

 

I miss you in the morning
And when the sunset fades away,
The ache within my heart- to know were miles away
And it just will not go away

My heart fills with love for you
When I think how much you can be that caring person
As I relive all the happiness
and the joy  felt when I  shared it with you

You’re with me in every moment ( I am alone)
And in every move I make ( with you )
Lie the memories I have for you
That I will never forsake

For now I will keep you where it is safe in my heart, in my thoughts in my prayer…

 

#AKWPE

On Second Chances…

Somewhere between heartaches and waiting comes another chance to be found by someone who can show you that you are not just an option but a choice…

Thank you Pippen for showing what unconditional love and patience- deeply means with a pet.

I miss you everyday more than you will ever know.

You are special to my heart that I will bring along as long as I live…

 

2006-2017

The second time you fall…

“The second time you fall in love is when you finally see how it feels to be someone’s top priority. To feel what it actually means to be loved.”

“Love is the rule that contains all the other rules.

Love is the commandment that justifies all the other commandments.

Love is the secret of life.

You cannot give anything more important than the Love reflected in your own life. That is the one true universal language, which allows us to speak Chinese or the dialects of India.

For if, one day, you go to those places, the silent eloquence of Love will mean that you will be understood by everyone.”

The second time you fall in love will teach you how to start loving again after being completely broken and bent. It will reveal to you that real love can actually enter your life more than just once. It will teach you that it’s okay to have faith in love no matter how painful and agonizing your first love had been. It will make you see the possibility of something you had already given up on- finding someone else! Someone better, someone who knows how to keep you happy, someone who will know the value of your tears, someone whose only purpose in life is to keep seeing that beautiful smile on your face, someone who is willing to take care of you when you’re down, someone who won’t judge you for your past mistakes, and someone who is truly interested in building a future with you.

The second time you fall in love will leave you with unlimited hope and faith- hope in knowing that there’s still someone out there who can complete your perfect fairytale. Hope in seeing that no heartbreak will ever be the end of your world. That you will always have better things lying ahead of you in life. The second time you fall in love will make you appreciate the things that take place when you finally let go of something that had stopped bringing you happiness since quite a while now, when you finally move on from a relationship that had been dead for as long as you can remember, and when you learn to break free from a love that had you chained for no reason. The second time you fall in love will bring you light after the dark.

The second time you fall in love is much braver than the first. It shows you know how to actually forgive. You know how to allow yourself to be vulnerable again. You know how to pick up all the broken pieces of your heart that your first love left behind and find the courage to make them whole again. You know how to risk getting hurt again because in the end, it will all be worth it one day. The second time you fall in love is when you’re prepared to handle the absolute worst but still hope and pray for the best. The second time you fall in love makes you stronger than ever before.

The second time you fall in love will make you believe in the right timing. It will help you understand why things just didn’t end well the first time around, why you ended up falling in love with the wrong person, why you needed to get your heart broken at least once in this lifetime, why you had to go through all those sleepless nights just crying in your bed, and why the person you trusted the most in this world left you even though they promised to love you for eternity. The second time you fall in love will teach you how there is always a lesson behind every single story in life, that every person you meet has a distinct part to play in your story, that there is always a solid reason behind all the pain and suffering you go through, and that just because you loved someone doesn’t mean they were ‘the one’. The second time you fall in love will finally give you answers to all of your questions.

The second time you fall in love is when love finally starts to make sense to you. It isn’t the love you grew up dreaming of. It isn’t the love that they portrayed in all the movies you saw and the books you read. It isn’t the love that has its base in fantasies from your childhood, or a temporary infatuation, or just plain old lust. This love isn’t blind. It isn’t toxic. And it isn’t reckless. This love isn’t the result of complete obsession and you haven’t attached unrealistic expectations to it. This love is real. It is pure. And it is genuine.

The second time you fall in love is when you’ve learned to always listen to your instinct, to look out for all the red flags, to not fall into the trap of pointlessly chasing another person and to choose someone because they have the potential to add real value to your life. The second time you fall in love is when you make decisions out of maturity and actual reasoning, and not just out of a feeling of loneliness.

 

Credit to someone’s beautiful mind to share this new perspective on second chances in love 🙂

 

For you – my heart will meet you soon!

I want to know what kind of man you are beneath the surface.

I want to understand what makes your heart beat faster and what you love. What makes you mad, and why it has that power over you.

I want to learn if your anger is hot and quick like mine, or a lingering coldness that freezes those who invoke your wrath. Do you forgive them when the red mist subsides, or do you hold a grudge through all of eternity?

I wish I could know how you see me through those quiet eyes of yours. I want you to tell me if you long to stroke my hair as we drift off to sleep, or if it’s my curves that your hands ache for. I wonder if you would message me goodnight before bed, so that I would never close my eyes without knowing that I was loved. Perhaps you would expect my heart to know that already, simply by the way your face lights up at the sight of mine.

What do you dream of when you close your eyes? Do you sleep peacefully until the light dapples your skin through the blinds, or do the tigers prowl around your head, leaving you shivering in fear in the darkness?

When you are lonely, do you ever think about my smile, or the way that I always know how to still the demons that scream inside you? I wonder if I am still vivid in your awareness, or a distant memory now; a spectre bathed in the gentle lustre of nostalgia.

Do you chase sunsets or sunrises? I love both. Does the promise of a shimmering new dawn appeal to you more than the glow of another day closing in a riot of color? I wonder where peace finds you. Will you drink hot tea with me as the sun blazes through the horizon, reminding us of the fleeting nature of this life? I think I would like that.

I want to learn if you prefer the bright crackle of a burning log fire, snuggled up in blankets against the cold, or the way that the sun plays upon warm limbs, making them glow golden in the afternoon light. Is it summer that brings a smile to those lips I covet, or would you rather turn your face up to taste the snowflakes as they fall?

I watch to see if you curse the fact that you cannot get to work in the snow, or if you roll up your sleeves joyfully to build a snowman. And if you do, I notice whether you give him a stone mouth so that he might smile upon the children that wave as they pass him by.

Do you ever fantasize  about losing yourself, out there, in the world? Do you seek the quiet solitude of a wooden log cabin on the edge of a lake, or do you prefer the lights and glamour of cocktail dresses in a fancy room full of raucous laughter?Where do you want to go? What do you want to see?

Do you hear it when adventure calls out your name and more importantly, do you answer?

I want to know where you hide, when the world becomes too much to bear.

Where do you take your freedom?

Is there space for another in your haven, or can I follow you only so far, then settle patiently to await your return to me; the reunion all the sweeter for your absence.

See, I wanna know if you have hurt people. Did their tears rain on your heart, each drop a sharp stinging torment? I try to imagine if you wear a mask of hardness in the face of another’s pain, or if you are gentle as you ask for forgiveness. Do you bleed through another’s wounds? Can you?

Tell me how you have broken someone you loved, and whether you were able to fix them again. Did they love you still when the pieces were put back together? What horrors live in the bleakest corners of your soul? What do you think about when you go there?

I want to know the very worst of you.

Share with me the music that plays in your heart, and whether you dance to the beat of your own drum. Show me the colour of your love. If you could splash its brightness onto a waiting canvas, would it burn with passionate reds and oranges, or would it run still and strong in a cool turquoise calm?

Tell me if you kiss softly, your lips singing mine a gentle lullaby, or whether they would rage intently, scorching new pathways to my heart with a desire that refuses be stilled. I want to feel it either way.

Show me if you want a sweet girl, or a dirty one. Or a little of each. What makes you cry out in ecstasy? Is it a woman that makes you laugh until your stomach hurts, or one whose beauty takes your breath away with a single look? Do you look for the quirky ones, perhaps? The ones who are too easily overlooked, the hidden treasures?

Tell me, would you risk it all for love? Would you fight for what you truly want, or would you let it slip away into nothing, never knowing what might have been, because you never told her that your heart beat only for her? Did you ever realise she was waiting for you to fight for her? Will you watch someone else love her because you were too afraid to be vulnerable with her?

Will you settle for next best, the girl you could maybe grow to love someday, instead of the one that haunts your thoughts today? Is that enough for you? Maybe it is. Could you live with yourself knowing that she got away?

Tell me about a time that you cried until you couldn’t breathe anymore. Or where you lived through a day where you prayed for the sweet release of death. Did you make it through? I have been there. Has your heart been broken into a million tiny pieces and, if it has, has it made you hard? Or are you are still open to the beauty that the world holds for you?

Show me your pain and I will show you mine. I hope it does not scare you. It has helped me to grow.

I want to know if you talk to the glittering stars above us, and which one is special to you. What do you think happens when we die? Do we join their shining ranks in heaven or is there nothing left for us? Are you afraid of death? I am. Will you hold my hand if I leave you first? If you whisper to me that love knows no boundaries, not even death, will you mean it?

Tell me about your childhood. I want to know the way your mother’s hair smelled when you crawled exhausted into her lap, and the way your bedroom looked when you were 10. Did your father cry when you curled a tiny fist around his finger for the very first time? I bet he did. I want to know all the people that you have loved throughout your life, so that I might love them through you and with you.

Do you write? Do you draw? I want to know whether you ache to capture my face with your pencil, preserving the wonder that lingers softly there. Do you like to express yourself through words, or action best? Will your hands illustrate your story as you speak and will I know that you are lying from the way your lips tremble gently as the words tumble guiltily from them?

What is your favorite book? Explain to me why it enraptures you so. Please? It tells me a lot about you. I love the way people cry when their favorite character breaks their heart, as though they are an old friend to be adored. Who is yours? I will seek them out and befriend them to understand why they have moved you so much.

Lend me your secrets. I’ll keep them safe and I’ll return them when my picture of you is complete. Whisper into my ear so that only us two may share them. Do you believe in magic? I do, now that I have met you.

Tell me your story, for it might well become part of my story. Let me in. Let me see you. All of you.

I want to know you…

 

I never stop loving you, but….

I have loved. I have lost and I have changed.

People change for two main reasons : Either their minds have been opened or their hearts have been broken – Steven Aitchinson

It encapsulates the emotions locked inside, tired of mind games, and decided to choose to start a new chapter in life, to look forward to a much better life…

 

“Running after you was like looking for rain in a period of drought. It was like hoping for sunshine in the midst of dark clouds. I was always setting myself up for constant disappointment and pain.

I’ve decided to stop waiting for you. I’ve decide to stop hoping that you’ll come back to me one day. I’ve decided to just let everything go, including you…

What’s the point of holding onto something that was never even yours to begin with, something that you can never be assured of, something that keeps you captive for years and years without any guarantee of love or happiness? Maybe it’s better to start focusing on myself now. Maybe it’s better to let you live your own life without any interference, without any questions, and without any expectations.

I need to start living a happier life, a more peaceful life, a life that leaves me content. Choosing this new life might end the possibility of getting butterflies in my stomach every time I see you coming near, the possibility of feeling my heart beat faster every time you look deep into my eyes, and the possibility of my knees getting weak every time I feel your skin next to mine. But it will also end the possibility of feeling hurt and broken every time you forget to text and call, every time you end up ditching plans with me for a night out with the boys, and every time you treat me like I’m nothing but an option for you. If your guy follows all of the signs mentioned here, then never let go of him, he’s a keeper.

I’m not trying to imply that a life with you was always a series of constant distress, sorrow, and trouble for me. We saw good times but the bad times would somehow always outdo them. We laughed together but maybe we cried even more. We shared stories about our life but maybe they were never truly enough to keep you interested. We shared some passionate nights but maybe they were never as exciting as the nights you shared with all the other girls in your life.

The relationship we shared was nothing short of a rollercoaster ride. It was an incredible and irresistible mess. It was a journey full of excitement, an adventure that I will surely miss forever. But our time together has come to an end. This universe, our destinies, God- everything has intervened now and there’s nothing in my power to stop this from ending.

If achieving the best for myself means I need to let you go, then I’m willing to do it. If giving up on a connection with you today means I’ll open myself to new and better connections around me, then I’m okay with never talking to you again. If not giving you the power to see me in my most vulnerable state means I’ll be strong and fearless in my own fragility, then I’ll continue to tell you that I’m completely fine on my own.

I’m grabbing the opportunity to finally grow, to make up for all the lost time, to discover myself again, to find new and fulfilling relationships, to create incredible memories with my friends and family- the people who truly care, to work towards achieving success in life, and to turn into the woman I always aspired to be.”

Credits to the writer