8 years and still counting

Our family chain is broken
and nothing seems the same
but as God calls us one by one
the chain will link again

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“You left us peaceful memories
your love is still our guide
and though we cannot see you
you are always at our side”

 

August 27, 2009

One of the most memorable day in our lives- yun na din pala ang huling celebration natin ng anniversary nyo ni Mommy. I would never forget na pinakanta mo si ann sa videoke till 1am- parang ayaw mo ng matulog- ayaw mo matapos ang araw na iyon. Nag rereklamo na si mommy pero hyper kami pareho ni ann at game makipag kantahan pa sayo. Then before pa tayo matulog- bigla mo ako tinanong bakit di pa kami mag pakasal ng bf ko that time. Nagulat ako kasi- alam ko ayaw mo pa ako mag asawa noon. Pero suddenly you wanted me to do it. Sabi mo- iba pa din ang may kapartner sa buhay dahil hindi magtatagal iiwan nyo din kami ni mommy. It was weird conversation- pero since palabiro ako – dinaan ko nlng sa biro din. Sabi ko sayo- I can’t find na sing gwapo mo para pakasalan ko. And I rest assure you that I ll be fine even I am alone, even i don’t have a partner . I didn’t realized- hudyat na pala un nag pag papaalam mo. And you know Dad- its been 8 years and nothing changed. I am still the tough lady you left, still single and unmarried. Pinatapang lalo ako ng panahon mula ng iniwan mo kami. Many times nalulungkot but mostly because we missed you badly. Ang hirap since you’ve left us. It’s like being more responsible for our family. May times natatakot ako- making big decisions especially sa restoration ng bahay but good thing – lahat ng tinuro mo at natutunan ko sa kurso nagagamit ko sa ngaun. My life changed deliberately since you left. I learned  the hard way- pati sa pagpili ng kaibigan and how to manage our time.

Sabi nila- makakalimot din kami- makaka move on- maybe yes- na accept na naming wala kana pero un pain and struggle ng wala ka Ama to turn to still makes us sad most of the time. Dasal nalang namin ikaw pede makasama- minsan sa panaginip. No matter how hard we tried to make our family happy sa mga okasyon but still- at the end of the day- may lungkot pa din- na miss ka namin ni mami at anna. Life was never been the same without you. Maybe we have the four solid years with you since you retired from Saudi. Akala nila madali, akala ng iba habang tumatagal makakalimutan na- pero in reality not- habang tumatagal lalong sumasakit . Hindi mababago ng pag kawala mo ang lungkot sa tuwing may achievements kami sa career and you are not there anymore to sahre it with. Lalo na po ngaun nasa Nestle ako, marami pag kakataon gusto ko ibalita sayo ang mga bagay na naaachieve ko in little time that i was a part of that organization. Siguro if buhay ka, you will be proud of me at malamang mas madalas hatid at sundo mo ako plus may road trip pa tayo.  Yung mga biglaan lakad ng family where you are the leader of h pack, Yung panonood natin sa bahay pag weekends, yung alalay ko sa pag luluto tuwing may okasyon sa family, Ang kasama ko mag canvass ng mga pede pa gawin to improve our house. Ang meron Ama makakausap para mag bigay ng payo pag dumarating ang sandali napapag hinaan kami sa buhay. Ngaun dasal at sa mga libro iniwan mo ako nakasandal. I guess makakasanayan na lang. I still keep on praying for that one day- everything will be just ok.

Daddy- akala ko nga sinusundo mo na ako noong August 15 eh- after ng first day of Training ko sa BOSH, i missed you then so much especially during the lectures ng EE and ME, lahat ng naituro doon , you have practically taught me pag may ginagawa ka sa bahay at ako ang alalay mo, maybe i was too emotional then and I almost have the same case as yours. Pero nag dasal ako sa Ama wag muna- kailangan pa ko ni mommy at anna. I am not afraid to die anymore unlike noon. Kasi alam ko Ikaw ang susundo sa akin diba? promised mo yun . For now Daddy- please watch over me- pls continue to guide me sa major decisions that I will make for our family. Ikaw lang nakaka alam ng ugali ko. Alam mo pag nag daramdam ako,pag napapagod na ko. Sana Dad magampanan ko pa un mga bilin mo- mga bagay na di mo natapos . Mahirap pero nagagawa ko mag pakatatag pa para kay mommy at mga kapatid ko.

At kung may darating man- I guide mo po ako,  bigyan mo po ako ng blessings  na wag ako mag kamali sa pag pili ng pag kakatiwalaan ko ng puso ko. I guide nyo po ako ng Ama – sa mga darating pa araw ng buhay ko.

God pawiin nyo sana mga lungkot namin sa tuwing ma miss namin si Daddy. Sa mga sandali kailangan namin ng guidance sa buhay. Gabayan nyo po ang bawat isa sa amin na maging matuwid sa pamumuhay. naway balang araw- sa pag katapos ng aming takbuhin pag bubuklurin mo po kami na mag kakasama muli sa bayang banal.

Daddy,  will always be the big star I look up at every night.

I missed you so much Honey pop –

your little star,

Pipay

August 27, 2017- Diary Journal/ 02:39am

 

 

 

 

Despacito

“When you write songs, you have to put a face to the lyric a little bit, but it was such a sexy song that there wasn’t really a person. It was a scenario more than a person. “

 

“Despacito” is about a sexual but romantic relationship between two people. The Spanish word “despacito” translates to “slowly”—which indicates the romance in the relationship

Trivia:

The singer/writer – Luis Alfonso Rodríguez López-Cepero, or Luis Fonsi, born April 15, 1978, is a Puerto Rican singer. He says, “When you write songs, you have to put a face to the lyric a little bit, but it was such a sexy song that there wasn’t really a person. It was a scenario more than a person. I went there. I went to that place, and that place was in a club somewhere, when you get to a club and you just start making that eye contact with this beautiful girl. And that’s kind of how the song starts. It’s really a story. In the beginning of the lyric it says, “Hey, I notice that you’re looking at me. I’m looking at you. Let’s connect.” It kindda goes little by little until it gets to the chorus, where it goes, “All right. We’re here, but now, let’s enjoy the moment.”  That’s kind of what this song is all about, enjoying the moment, not rushing through it. Myself and my
co-writer, we were both there sort of in mind in this scenario of this real sexy place, but there really wasn’t a face to it.

DESPACITO

Comin’ over in my direction
So thankful for that, it’s such a blessin’, yeah
Turn every situation into heaven, yeah
Oh-oh, you are
My sunrise on the darkest day
Got me feelin’ some kind of way
Make me wanna savor every moment slowly, slowly
You fit me tailor-made, love how you put it on
Got the only key, know how to turn it on
The way you nibble on my ear, the only words I wanna hear
Baby, take it slow so we can last long

¡Oh!
Tú, tú eres el imán y yo soy el metal
Me voy acercando y voy armando el plan
Sólo con pensarlo se acelera el pulso (oh yeah)
Ya, ya me está gustando más de lo normal
Todos mis sentidos van pidiendo más
Esto hay que tomarlo sin ningún apuro

Despacito
Quiero respirar tu cuello despacito
Deja que te diga cosas al oído
Para que te acuerdes si no estás conmigo
Despacito
Quiero desnudarte a besos despacito
Firmo en las paredes de tu laberinto
Y hacer de tu cuerpo todo un manuscrito
(Sube, sube, sube
Sube, sube)

Quiero ver bailar tu pelo, quiero ser tu ritmo (woah, woah)
Que le enseñes a mi boca (woah, woah)
Tus lugares favoritos (favorito, favorito, baby)
Déjame sobrepasar tus zonas de peligro (woah, woah)
Hasta provocar tus gritos (woah, woah)
Y que olvides tu apellido

 

Si te pido un beso, ven, dámelo, yo sé que estás pensándolo
Llevo tiempo intentándolo, mami, esto es dando y dándolo
Sabes que tu corazón conmigo te hace bang-bang
Sabes que esa beba está buscando de mi bang-bang
Ven, prueba de mi boca para ver cómo te sabe
Quiero, quiero, quiero ver cuánto amor a ti te cabe
Yo no tengo prisa, yo me quiero dar el viaje
Empecemos lento, después salvaje

Pasito a pasito, suave suavecito
Nos vamos pegando, poquito a poquito
Cuando tú me besas con esa destreza
Veo que eres malicia con delicadeza
Pasito a pasito, suave suavecito
Nos vamos pegando, poquito a poquito
Y es que esa belleza es un rompecabezas
Pero pa’ montarlo aquí tengo la pieza
¡Oye!

Despacito
Quiero respirar tu cuello despacito
Deja que te diga cosas al oído
Para que te acuerdes si no estás conmigo
Despacito
Quiero desnudarte a besos despacito
Firmo en las paredes de tu laberinto
Y hacer de tu cuerpo todo un manuscrito
(Sube, sube, sube
Sube, sube)

Quiero ver bailar tu pelo, quiero ser tu ritmo (woah, woah)
Que le enseñes a mi boca (woah, woah)
Tus lugares favoritos (favorito, favorito, baby)
Déjame sobrepasar tus zonas de peligro (woah, woah)
Hasta provocar tus gritos (woah, woah)
Y que olvides tu apellido

Despacito
This is how we do it down in Puerto Rico
I just wanna hear you screaming, “¡Ay, Bendito!”
I can move forever cuando esté contigo
¡Bailalo!

Pasito a pasito, suave suavecito
Nos vamos pegando, poquito a poquito
Que le enseñes a mi boca
Tus lugares favoritos
(Favorito, favorito, baby)
Pasito a pasito, suave suavecito
Nos vamos pegando, poquito a poquito
Hasta provocar tus gritos (Fonsi)
Y que olvides tu apellido (D.Y.)
Despacito

Disclaimer:  This song recently rocks my morning and night. Yes, a little liberated to what  I am used to and reminds me the movie “Dirty Dancing” but I can’t help but dance with the tune- there is a different kind of energy when you hear that song – I agree now with Nianna.  I was so curious about the song and my Puerto Rican blood tells me to do a little research. And  I was surprised to know that it was all in the imagination of the writer and singer – that person does not exists at all. I simply enjoyed the music. I guess Pipay has now a new taste of music genre 🙂  and I won’t mind dancing it with my future partner – part of the change and perspective.  You better be ready to dance it with me .

I miss you

 

I miss you in the morning
And when the sunset fades away,
The ache within my heart- to know were miles away
And it just will not go away

My heart fills with love for you
When I think how much you can be that caring person
As I relive all the happiness
and the joy  felt when I  shared it with you

You’re with me in every moment ( I am alone)
And in every move I make ( with you )
Lie the memories I have for you
That I will never forsake

For now I will keep you where it is safe in my heart, in my thoughts in my prayer…

 

#AKWPE

Fly me to the moon…

Oh it’s often use many words to say a simple thing
It takes thought and time and rhyme
To make a poem sing
With music and words I’ve been playing

For you I have written this song
To be sure you known what I’m saying
I’ll translate as I go along

Fly me to the moon,
And let me play among the stars.
Let me see what spring is like,
On jupiter and mars.
In other words, hold my hand,
In other words, darling kiss me.

Fill my heart with song,
And let me sing forever more,
You are all I long for,
All I worship and adore,
In other words, please be true,
In other words, I love you.

 

On Second Chances…

Somewhere between heartaches and waiting comes another chance to be found by someone who can show you that you are not just an option but a choice…

Thank you Pippen for showing what unconditional love and patience- deeply means with a pet.

I miss you everyday more than you will ever know.

You are special to my heart that I will bring along as long as I live…

 

2006-2017

I want to know what kind of man you are beneath the surface.

I want to understand what makes your heart beat faster and what you love. What makes you mad, and why it has that power over you.

I want to learn if your anger is hot and quick like mine, or a lingering coldness that freezes those who invoke your wrath. Do you forgive them when the red mist subsides, or do you hold a grudge through all of eternity?

I wish I could know how you see me through those quiet eyes of yours. I want you to tell me if you long to stroke my hair as we drift off to sleep, or if it’s my curves that your hands ache for. I wonder if you would message me goodnight before bed, so that I would never close my eyes without knowing that I was loved. Perhaps you would expect my heart to know that already, simply by the way your face lights up at the sight of mine.

What do you dream of when you close your eyes? Do you sleep peacefully until the light dapples your skin through the blinds, or do the tigers prowl around your head, leaving you shivering in fear in the darkness?

When you are lonely, do you ever think about my smile, or the way that I always know how to still the demons that scream inside you? I wonder if I am still vivid in your awareness, or a distant memory now; a spectre bathed in the gentle lustre of nostalgia.

Do you chase sunsets or sunrises? I love both. Does the promise of a shimmering new dawn appeal to you more than the glow of another day closing in a riot of color? I wonder where peace finds you. Will you drink hot tea with me as the sun blazes through the horizon, reminding us of the fleeting nature of this life? I think I would like that.

I want to learn if you prefer the bright crackle of a burning log fire, snuggled up in blankets against the cold, or the way that the sun plays upon warm limbs, making them glow golden in the afternoon light. Is it summer that brings a smile to those lips I covet, or would you rather turn your face up to taste the snowflakes as they fall?

I watch to see if you curse the fact that you cannot get to work in the snow, or if you roll up your sleeves joyfully to build a snowman. And if you do, I notice whether you give him a stone mouth so that he might smile upon the children that wave as they pass him by.

Do you ever fantasize  about losing yourself, out there, in the world? Do you seek the quiet solitude of a wooden log cabin on the edge of a lake, or do you prefer the lights and glamour of cocktail dresses in a fancy room full of raucous laughter?Where do you want to go? What do you want to see?

Do you hear it when adventure calls out your name and more importantly, do you answer?

I want to know where you hide, when the world becomes too much to bear.

Where do you take your freedom?

Is there space for another in your haven, or can I follow you only so far, then settle patiently to await your return to me; the reunion all the sweeter for your absence.

See, I wanna know if you have hurt people. Did their tears rain on your heart, each drop a sharp stinging torment? I try to imagine if you wear a mask of hardness in the face of another’s pain, or if you are gentle as you ask for forgiveness. Do you bleed through another’s wounds? Can you?

Tell me how you have broken someone you loved, and whether you were able to fix them again. Did they love you still when the pieces were put back together? What horrors live in the bleakest corners of your soul? What do you think about when you go there?

I want to know the very worst of you.

Share with me the music that plays in your heart, and whether you dance to the beat of your own drum. Show me the colour of your love. If you could splash its brightness onto a waiting canvas, would it burn with passionate reds and oranges, or would it run still and strong in a cool turquoise calm?

Tell me if you kiss softly, your lips singing mine a gentle lullaby, or whether they would rage intently, scorching new pathways to my heart with a desire that refuses be stilled. I want to feel it either way.

Show me if you want a sweet girl, or a dirty one. Or a little of each. What makes you cry out in ecstasy? Is it a woman that makes you laugh until your stomach hurts, or one whose beauty takes your breath away with a single look? Do you look for the quirky ones, perhaps? The ones who are too easily overlooked, the hidden treasures?

Tell me, would you risk it all for love? Would you fight for what you truly want, or would you let it slip away into nothing, never knowing what might have been, because you never told her that your heart beat only for her? Did you ever realise she was waiting for you to fight for her? Will you watch someone else love her because you were too afraid to be vulnerable with her?

Will you settle for next best, the girl you could maybe grow to love someday, instead of the one that haunts your thoughts today? Is that enough for you? Maybe it is. Could you live with yourself knowing that she got away?

Tell me about a time that you cried until you couldn’t breathe anymore. Or where you lived through a day where you prayed for the sweet release of death. Did you make it through? I have been there. Has your heart been broken into a million tiny pieces and, if it has, has it made you hard? Or are you are still open to the beauty that the world holds for you?

Show me your pain and I will show you mine. I hope it does not scare you. It has helped me to grow.

I want to know if you talk to the glittering stars above us, and which one is special to you. What do you think happens when we die? Do we join their shining ranks in heaven or is there nothing left for us? Are you afraid of death? I am. Will you hold my hand if I leave you first? If you whisper to me that love knows no boundaries, not even death, will you mean it?

Tell me about your childhood. I want to know the way your mother’s hair smelled when you crawled exhausted into her lap, and the way your bedroom looked when you were 10. Did your father cry when you curled a tiny fist around his finger for the very first time? I bet he did. I want to know all the people that you have loved throughout your life, so that I might love them through you and with you.

Do you write? Do you draw? I want to know whether you ache to capture my face with your pencil, preserving the wonder that lingers softly there. Do you like to express yourself through words, or action best? Will your hands illustrate your story as you speak and will I know that you are lying from the way your lips tremble gently as the words tumble guiltily from them?

What is your favorite book? Explain to me why it enraptures you so. Please? It tells me a lot about you. I love the way people cry when their favorite character breaks their heart, as though they are an old friend to be adored. Who is yours? I will seek them out and befriend them to understand why they have moved you so much.

Lend me your secrets. I’ll keep them safe and I’ll return them when my picture of you is complete. Whisper into my ear so that only us two may share them. Do you believe in magic? I do, now that I have met you.

Tell me your story, for it might well become part of my story. Let me in. Let me see you. All of you.

I want to know you…

 

I never stop loving you, but….

I have loved. I have lost and I have changed.

People change for two main reasons : Either their minds have been opened or their hearts have been broken – Steven Aitchinson

It encapsulates the emotions locked inside, tired of mind games, and decided to choose to start a new chapter in life, to look forward to a much better life…

 

“Running after you was like looking for rain in a period of drought. It was like hoping for sunshine in the midst of dark clouds. I was always setting myself up for constant disappointment and pain.

I’ve decided to stop waiting for you. I’ve decide to stop hoping that you’ll come back to me one day. I’ve decided to just let everything go, including you…

What’s the point of holding onto something that was never even yours to begin with, something that you can never be assured of, something that keeps you captive for years and years without any guarantee of love or happiness? Maybe it’s better to start focusing on myself now. Maybe it’s better to let you live your own life without any interference, without any questions, and without any expectations.

I need to start living a happier life, a more peaceful life, a life that leaves me content. Choosing this new life might end the possibility of getting butterflies in my stomach every time I see you coming near, the possibility of feeling my heart beat faster every time you look deep into my eyes, and the possibility of my knees getting weak every time I feel your skin next to mine. But it will also end the possibility of feeling hurt and broken every time you forget to text and call, every time you end up ditching plans with me for a night out with the boys, and every time you treat me like I’m nothing but an option for you. If your guy follows all of the signs mentioned here, then never let go of him, he’s a keeper.

I’m not trying to imply that a life with you was always a series of constant distress, sorrow, and trouble for me. We saw good times but the bad times would somehow always outdo them. We laughed together but maybe we cried even more. We shared stories about our life but maybe they were never truly enough to keep you interested. We shared some passionate nights but maybe they were never as exciting as the nights you shared with all the other girls in your life.

The relationship we shared was nothing short of a rollercoaster ride. It was an incredible and irresistible mess. It was a journey full of excitement, an adventure that I will surely miss forever. But our time together has come to an end. This universe, our destinies, God- everything has intervened now and there’s nothing in my power to stop this from ending.

If achieving the best for myself means I need to let you go, then I’m willing to do it. If giving up on a connection with you today means I’ll open myself to new and better connections around me, then I’m okay with never talking to you again. If not giving you the power to see me in my most vulnerable state means I’ll be strong and fearless in my own fragility, then I’ll continue to tell you that I’m completely fine on my own.

I’m grabbing the opportunity to finally grow, to make up for all the lost time, to discover myself again, to find new and fulfilling relationships, to create incredible memories with my friends and family- the people who truly care, to work towards achieving success in life, and to turn into the woman I always aspired to be.”

Credits to the writer